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Part of today's inbox

Post  Pilot on Wed Apr 29, 2009 2:51 pm

At school little Johnny's class is learning about medicines..

Sister Catherine, the teacher, asks the pupils what kind of medicines they know
and what they are used for.
The first pupil said: 'Tylenol?'
'Very good! And what is it used for?'
'It is used for a headache.'
The second pupil said: 'Nytol.'
'Excellent!' said Sister Catherine. 'And what it is used for?'
'To help you sleep', replied the student.
Now it is Johnny's turn and he said: 'Viagra.'
'And what is it used for, Johnny?' asked the surprised Sister Catherine.
'It is used for diarrhea.'
'And who told you this, Johnny?'
'Nobody, but every evening my mother tells my father 'take a Viagra,
and maybe yuh shit will get harder.''
Sister Catherine fainted.
______
As You Slide Down the Banister of Life, Remember

1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written
An impressive new book. It's called ...........
'Ministers Do More Than Lay People'

2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink
And be Mary.

3. The difference between the Pope and
Your boss, the Pope only expects you
To kiss his ring.

4. My mind works like lightning, One brilliant
Flash and it is gone.

5. The only time the world beats a path to
Your door is if you're in the bathroom.

6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once.
The seat folded up, the drink spilled and
That ice, well, it really chilled the mood.

7. It used to be only death and taxes
Now, of course, there's
shipping and handling, too.

8.. A husband is someone who, after taking
the trash out, gives the impression that
he just cleaned the whole house.

9 My next house will have no kitchen - just
Vending machines and a large trash can.

10. A blonde said, 'I was worried that my
Mechanic might try to rip me off.
I was relieved when he told me all
I needed was turn signal fluid.'
11. Definition of a teenager?
God's punishment...for enjoying sex.

12. As you slide down the banister of life, may
The splinters never point the wrong way.
______
Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America ,

Kentuckians, Tennesseans, Georgians and West Virginians will no longer be
referred to as 'HILLBILLIES.'
You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.

And furthermore,

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a 'BREASTED AMERICAN.'
2. She is not 'EASY' - She is 'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.'
3. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a
'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY..'
4. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a 'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.'
5. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes ' VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'
6. She is not a 'TWO-BIT HOOKER' - She is a ' LOW COST PROVIDER.'

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a 'BEER GUT' - He has developed a
'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY..'
2. He is not a 'BAD DANCER' - He is 'OVERLY CAUCASIAN.'
3. He does not 'GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He 'INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE
DESTINATIONS.'
4. He is not 'BALDING' - He is in 'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.'
5. He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS' - He develops a case of
RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.'
(Loved this one!)
6. It's not his 'CRACK' you see hanging out of his pants - It's
'TROUSER CLEAVAGE
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Pilot
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Posts : 40
Join date : 2009-02-09
Age : 76
Location : Houston, TX

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