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Religious Jokes

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Religious Jokes

Post  Greenify13 on Wed Jun 03, 2009 8:56 am

I put this in it's own category, I feel that this is an area to use caution. Not everyone may find them funny, and I want it foreposted that if there is something you find offensive or inappropriate where religious jokes are concerned, that I apologize. Please let me or one of the moderators know when you confront one that offends you and your religion/beliefs.
We all need laughs, chuckles and giggles; we don't want to upset anyone in this process!
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The Angel and the Statues...

Post  Greenify13 on Wed Jun 03, 2009 8:56 am

In a city park stood two beautiful statues, one female and the other male -- both nude. These two statues faced each other for many, many years.

Early one morning an angel appeared before the statues and said, "The two of you have been truly exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people that have visited the park over the years. I am hereby authorized by God to give you the greatest wish that can be bestowed upon you. I grant you the gift of life -- albeit, as a limited offer. You have thirty minutes to do whatever your hearts desire."

And with that command, the two statues came to life. They smiled at each other, slowly moved their limbs about in wonderment. They looked all around, at their own bodies and back at each other.

Smiling, they then ran to the nearby woods and dove behind a large bush.

The angel smiled to herself as she listened to the giggling, bushes rustling and twigs snapping. (Angels aren't naive.)

After fifteen minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, looking extremely satisfied and wearing nothing but even bigger smiles than before.

Puzzled, the angel looked at her watch and said to them, "You still have fifteen minutes. Wouldn't you like to continue?"

The male statue looked at the female and asked, "Do you want to do it again?"

"Oh yes!" the female statue replied. "But this time YOU hold the pigeon down and I'LL dump on its head."
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Kids in Church

Post  Greenify13 on Wed Jun 03, 2009 8:58 am

Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had enough of his antics.

"You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."

"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.

Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers."
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I am Napoleon!

Post  Greenify13 on Wed Jun 03, 2009 8:59 am

Late one night at the insane asylum, one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!"

Another patient asked, "How do you know?"

The first inmate said, "Because God told me!"

Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did NOT!"
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