Jeanne's Quest

This is a first attempt at writing such as I've never done before. I'd appreciate it if you guys would tear it apart for me so I can get a handle on this genre.

The wind quietly whispered through the branches of the mighty oaks and the willows along the crystal-clear stream. Centered on the low hill that rose above the stream was a marble gazebo, sparkling white in the afternoon sun. Lying on a bench in the gazebo was the figure of a raven-haired young woman, seemingly asleep. A mist began to form beside the sleeping girl, and within that mist materialized the tall figure of another woman. She held an ebony staff as she gazed down upon the sleeping figure and uttered words long since forgotten by mortal men.
The sleeping girl's eyelids fluttered and she stirred from her sleep, at last focusing on the figure standing before her. "Who are you?" the girl asked.
"I am called Denev," the woman said gently.
The girl then looked around her and saw a beautiful garden, with fountains and flowers of all description. "Where am I?" And then, as memory came rushing back, "The fire! I was in a fire."
"You are safe now, Jeanne," Denev said.
"You know my name?"
"Of course, brave one. You are known to many in our world."
Looking about once again, Jeanne said, "I do not know this place. It is like nothing I have ever seen. Where are we?"
"This is my home, the Garden of Denev. Here you are safe from all harm."
"Am I dead? Is this Heaven?"
"You are not dead, Jeanne. And this is more of a haven than a heaven. Still, it is peaceful and free of any mortal strife."
"I don't understand. There was fire all around me. I can remember the horrible pain of it."
"Shh, quiet little one. Put those memories away. They no longer have meaning for you. Here you are safe and well."
Jeanne examined her hands and feet, and then searched her feelings for any pain. She found that her skin was as smooth and unburned as it had ever been and there was no pain anywhere. Ever the practical girl, Jeanne asked, "Denev, are you a witch that you have accomplished this miracle?"
"No, dear girl, I am no witch, though there have been those who called me such over the years. All those whom you knew would have called me a pagan goddess, but even that is untrue. But enough of that for now. I want you to rest and clear your mind of any lingering fears. Walk through my garden and enjoy its peace and beauty. There is food on the table by the stream if you are hungry. Rejoice in being alive and refresh yourself. Later we will talk of a task I would set for you."

Okay. 8 of you viewed it, and no responses. That tells the tale. I'll go back to action/adventure. Thanks, kids.

I have to admit that I was one or two of the eight...but I have been very short on time lately (sorry). It was quite interesting, I must say that as one who loves to write fantasy stories/novels...that this intrigued me and left me with many burning questions and no soothing answers. I truly hope that you continue this, for I would love to see more. And have no fear of rejection, and hold no disappointment. This is something that takes time both in the writing, reading and all else involved. Have patience and you will see great results!


Please continue your writing on this subject, unless you are too uncomfortable, but sometimes being outside of our comfort zone produces amazing ends! Trust me, you have read my poetry and poetry is almost always dragging me away from my comfort zone, and people seem to love it!

It's not a fear of rejection, Greenie. At my age, you begin to budget your time a bit more carefully. Death holds no fear for me and it's a fact that sooner or later it zaps ya. So I try to do those things that are the most productive. Writing things from the female POV is difficult for me, to say the least. Rather than throw away a lot of time trying to refine my ability (or lack thereof) I'd rather write what I know. This story was to be an extension of my first novel. The girl is Jeanne d'Arc, a fascinating lady that I got to know well during my research for the first work. She's too good a character to throw away at age 19, so my first work and the intention of this one was to avoid killing her on the stake. In the first, I rescued her with my male MC and his time machine. This one was to use magic. I don't know, I might kick it around when I have more free time. I'm really kinda busy these days with all the politics Joyce is involved with. Wanna hear the latest? We're about to be off to Louisianna to see Bobby Jindal. Think I'll go down to their marinas while Joyce and Bobby yak. Talk about no interest in something. Politics. YUK!

I think the background to you characters story is interesting, I truly hope that you continue it! I understand that it is not from fear of rejection. Honestly I was just tossing it out there seeing as many people have this fear. However I did not necessarily believe that it affected you. I can see where you are coming from, time is as always short. No matter a persons age, no one truly knows how much time they have. We should live without such fears and ridiculousness, but we are all only human. While some would take this as a reason to fear the end, the end is always inevitable, what goes up must come down and what is born must die. So what do you do, ya'know? You live and enjoy life, and in our cases you write!